Morning Walk

Tic toc, tic toc, tic toc goes the clock on the wall.  I hear the coos of the morning doves just outside my window, a gentle breeze gives me a peaceful feeling as the bamboo windchimes lightly clank outside on my porch, then the other chimes join in.  My cats are content happily watching the birds outside the window.  As I sit on the couch while slipping on my walking shoes I take a moment to thank God for where He has brought me in my life.  Feeling peace and contentment that I have not felt in the past. 

As I walk around the small riverside town of Stockport, Ohio my mind wonders back to a time in my life that wasn't so peaceful.  Just a few years ago there seemed to be no hope in sight for peace in my life.  I remember wondering if this was the life I was supposed to lead.  I think about my past and the poor decisions I made because of how I felt about myself.  Having that all too often feeling that I am not complete unless I have a man in my life.  Not knowing who I was as a woman, feeling scared to figure that all out.  When I was accepted and approved by others I was happy and content, but when something was said negatively about me, I fell apart feeling like a failure.  And don't get me wrong, I'm not cured of this yet, but I am making huge improvements towards decision making and my thinking.  Feeling ok as a woman with or without a man in my life.  In my daily life I now insist on respect from people or they can move right along because I don't need or want negativity in my life anymore!

I am a person who can have fun with just about anyone in almost any circumstance and I truly enjoy people!  I like to do things for people and help them without them being suspicious of my motives.  Because I don't expect anything in return.  I can be friends with almost anyone man or woman and it makes me very sad that (the person's sex) has to get in the way of friendship.  I do understand though, our society has created this so therefore we must be very cautious.  I believe this is why we will be neither male nor female in heaven so we can all equally share in the fellowship and friendship that we all so desire here on earth.

With all that said, the journey of my life though a few rocky places in my path has brought me to this place of contentment.  Because of my tramatic past and a job dealing with people I have been able to use my abilities to reach out and be very approachable.  Able to listen, understand and have compassion for women with similar stories.  My illness, yet very humbling has slowed me down more than I wish, but the time is spent studying the bible, reading quality christian material and learning more about who I am and focus on what I want to do with the rest of my life.  God is truly humbling me slowly and I'm not always happy about it, but after the fact, I am thankful for the journey and my thinking is different.  Humbling experiences can and will make us stronger if we will allow it.

There is nothing special about me, nothing wonderful, but evidently unique.  We are all unique and we all have different gifts and paths to take.

One thing that I have truly learned is that if I want things to work for the good in my life I need to quit making hasty decisions on my own!  I need to pray and let the Holy Spirit guide my paths and decisions.  If I make a mistake and I honor God he will make something good come from it.  If you will use this awesome resource you will get your answers on your journey.  Always know that God has your best interest at heart.  He never wants us to fail, but He won't force us to use Him as our own personal confidant.  But if you ask, He'll be thrilled to help you on your way. 

As I finish up my morning walk and stand at the Stockport Mill overlooking the river I feel the mighty strength of God's power and I realize if He has the power to bring forth the mighty waters, the beauty of the landscape and the balance of the climate, He can surely love me enough to give me the ability to conquer the difficulties in my life.

Our journey in life is our resume'.  Our life experiences though sometimes very difficult can be a blessing.  If we learn from our mistakes and move on to a better place something good will always come from it.  Examine your own life and don't make hasty decisions.  If you're married but not very happy, think about what you could do to make your spouse happy, come together and discuss what you want to accomplish as a couple and spend prayer time together you WILL draw closer to each other and God.  If you're not currently going to church, start going your local churches  have many resources to help you get on your new journey together.  Life is not ever going to be perfect but if you have christian direction then you will always have the resources needed to get you throught any difficulty in your life.

As I close today I want to share a quote with you that I have taped by my bathroom mirror to remind me of who I am.
BEING ROOTED IN OUR IDENTITY IN HIM WILL KEEP US FROM THE FEAR OF FAILURE, FROM EXCESSIVESY TRYING TO PLEASE OTHERS, AND FROM BEING CAUGHT IN THE CYCLE OF TRYING TO PERFORM SO OTHERS WILL ACCEPT US.    I forget who wrote this but it was a quote from a book I read a while back.

This quote makes me examine myself everytime I look in the mirror and that is a good thing.  We should all examine ourselves everyday and try to change those bad habits into good ones.  Try to put on love and concern for others it will change your life.

 As I head back home from my prayer walk I can start my day with the right thoughts and more closeness with God.  I can return with peace and contentment in my heart from a very long difficult journey.