Facing The Truth

I would like to recommend a book that has helped me face the truth about myself.  I have spent my whole life trying to receive love and approval and have never been able to be "good enough" or "perfect enough".

I have had an eating disorder since my mid 20's and I thought I just liked to overeat (gain then lose, gain then lose) but reading this book brought out so many uninvited feelings that I finally faced what was going on with me.

I am naturally a good person, yes, I have made many mistakes in my life, but most of them were because I was trying to have "a voice" for myself.  I've never been allowed to be who I want to be, I have to fit a "perfect" mold which I am unable to do.  I love God and want to serve him, but "I am not perfect"!

The book I want to recommend is :  When Food Is Love (Exploring the Relationship Between Eating and Intimacy) by Geneen Roth.  I realize that I don't like myself very much so I go to food to calm myself and by "getting fat" protects me from getting hurt by a man again.  When I lose, I feel on top of the world, but losing changes nothing.  I am constantly self-sabotaging myself.

I always choose to help others, voluntering for anything needed done so people will approve of me.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy helping people, but there is a line to draw between "helping" and "getting approval".  If you are an "approval seeker", "over-eater" or under-eater, this is the book for you.  Be prepared to cry and experience many different feelings about what you read.  Facing the truth can be brutal as I know, I had to put the book down many times and take a deep breath.  I hope this helps you!

I found after reading it and dealing with my feelings, of course, I wrote about it, but I was able to look at food in a different way.  I'm sure I am going to struggle for a long time, but one foot forward, is not a step back.  Good-luck!